What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
08.06.2025 01:59
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Put me off passion for life!!
So whats the point in blame.
How does it feel to be in a marriage without any love?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I don,t even have a pension.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Can relationship issues cause depression?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
How can I stop overthinking and take action more quickly?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Mariners fall flat again: 'We'll keep fighting' - The Seattle Times
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Do you usually wear your panties over or under your pantyhose?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Why did lobsters evolve bright colors if they are neither poisonous nor venomous?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was seconnd youngest,
It was going to be , some day.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Why are people nowadays so into anal sex?
I could never make a relationship work though!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I write beautiful poetry .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I was scared of men, in general
Would this be the day?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I said to her
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I couldn’t, believe it.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Why did i forgive my father ?
What did i know ?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She married twice! .
Especially a lifetime of it.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I was very sick at this time too.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
This is soul school!.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But it wasn’t much.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I think the readers, may guess!
I waited trembling.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I have no regrets .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She was in good health!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Was to survive, this bastard.
She wouldn,t have been !
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
My family never makes their pension either.
And i lived it daily.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
We were not on the streets..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But, we were locked up after school.
My life is so biszare .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
(And it was in our own minds.)
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Who then, do I blame.?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
One cannot live in the past .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
So, i spoilt her more .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Im still living with it.
She loved him until the end.
She found it foreign!.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I will be 64.
Comes on , in middle age.
All the time i was locked up.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We all went to grammer schools
When she asked me how she looked .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He knew the spot.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I was 9 years of age.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Ive learnt so much.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!